the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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