just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
