I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh god it's open bar.
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