Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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