Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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