So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
