I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
