I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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