omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
