I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
