literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
