His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
