Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
