my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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