That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
