I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Man, jail baloney is awful.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
