I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this will be a night to untag.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
