Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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