I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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