So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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