I puked a lego.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
