it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
