today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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