I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
