if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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