Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
