I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
