Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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