I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
