I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
