WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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