worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
