FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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