I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
