but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
