C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
