how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
