Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Im part way to drunk.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
