we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
