dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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