its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
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She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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