Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's great music for shaving your balls
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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