OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
