please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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