I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
