Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
