I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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