Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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