u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
