I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
