I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
