i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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