do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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