I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
