Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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