Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
