My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was confusing and full of hummus
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
