He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
