i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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