i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
