If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
