update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
