Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
