Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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