I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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