Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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